I'm still lonely

It should go without saying, but I'll throw it out there again.

I've been dreaming again. I REALLY hate it when I dream. My dreams are almost always one of two things. I either have people in my life that have left (former girlfriends, girls I crushed on, old friends, old family, etc.), or stuff that ends up being premonitions. I'm a big believer in deja vu because it happens to me all the time. I saw ghosts when I was little and scared the hell out of myself all the time. I have always thought too much for my own good.

Smokin' Aces was an enjoyable movie.

Has anyone read the commic book that "The Crow" is based on. Its much darker, some really screwed up stuff in there. How about "The Sandman" series.

I'm biking 30 minutes or so every night I get home before 9. I've smoked less than a pack a week since the new year started. I'm getting out some. I still hate people. I still need to get laid. I think I want to get another dog, the one I have doesn't like me anymore.

Video games. I read a study that stated that adults that play video games have a lower stress level. It allows them to relieve tension and step outside of their life. I've known this for years. Its one of the reason's I'm such a nerd.

I wonder about who I would have been if I had lived in the past. I've been introspective about what I've missed and where I'm going lately. Its another thing about me that I don't like. I don't want to live in what if, but would reather find a way to get back to what now.

Ok, who wants to be my Valentine's date? Dinner, drinks, hell, I'll even put out if your nice.

I really fucking hate people

So I bowl in a league on Thursdays when I can get out of work. Its actually titled "Just for fun". I have fun. I drink a little, bowl a few games. The people on my team are obnoxious, just like me. We have a good time. Aparently I pissed off the two male members of the other team. I have two co-existing thoughts about this. First is that I need to apologize. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was having a good time. I am an ass. Plain and simple. If you know me, its understood and taken as a part of my personality. More smart ass, and not the type to just shut up than ass, but kinda like a big ass. Its who I am. I smart off, call names, life goes on. I offered my appology to the wife, since he walked off and she is the one that told me they were mad, and she told me to say it to him next week. So, my second train of thought. One of my team mates works with her. they do not know if it will be a good idea for me to offer my regrets. my opinion is that if they can't take an appology, then i would rather tell them to grow the fuck up and get over it. God damnit i hate people. Without knowing or seeing my behavior to truly make a judgement either way, does anyone have an opinion, tell me I'm right or wrong?

It has been brought to my attention...

...that my post yesterday made me sound extrememly superficial. Let me be clear, I am as human as the next person, and have more than my share of superficial moments. I'll be the first to admit that appearance is not everything, but in humans it is important, but there also has to be something below to sustain anything beyond a flash romance. I've had that. I've also dated at least 2 people that were the full package, but for one reason or another didn't work out. The question was more directed towards settling. I keep swinging back and forth on that point. I could settle at anytime. I have that option (a few of them actually). I don't want to go that route and later be unhappy and unable to do anything about it. So, for the time being, be it superficial or picky, I'm gonna try to keep pushing for happy versus settle, and if I can get a few more good friends that will keep me in line (such as pointing out how bad I sounded), I more than welcome it.

Another reason I hate being sick.

Its nearing the end of the first month of 2007. I've been sick, so I've had time to sit around and think. I really hate it when that happens.

For whatever reason, my happiness seems to be rooted in my personal relationships. I've been putting on my happy face and trying to get out a little more often (not hard to beat my last year), but I'm not really getting what I'm looking for. I've not had a date since September, and the only thing I can blame, other than the ex, is myself.

I have rediculously high standards. I was a bit of a nerd growing up, but once I started dating, I only dated women that were more attractive, smarter, more athletic, etc. than I was. I still do. As a few of you know, I am not exactly an unattractive person, so it makes that standard even higher. I have never gone out with anyone that was not considered beautiful, and had at least one signiture "special trait" (eyes, chest, ass, legs, etc.). I have no intention to change this, but it does make for a lot of lonely nights.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to be with someone that creats a situation where people look at you and think "damn, he must be doing something right to have that"? At what point does one settle?

Ok, I'll forgive you

I love y'all again. Sorry for the confusion.

In my best Cartman Voice...

"I hate you guys"

Good God this sucks

I'm in one of my busier weeks/months at work, and I'm knocked on my ass with this cold flu whatever bug. I used to never get sick. It probably had to do with how active I was in everything when I was younger. I miss those days. Everything was so much nicer then.

Breathing is difficult right now

I'm wishing I were dead (on account of the flu), but otherwise life is the same. I havn't had a date or kissed a woman since September. The ex and I are more in contact these days, and doing the friend thing reasonably well. The married friend has disappeared. The friends that were going to set me up have all fallen short.

On the work front, I'm getting antsy for something new again. I've already been set up to fail with the project that I'm on. I'm less than excited about it, and its my own fault for asking for the project. What the fuck is wrong with me. I must be a glutton for punishment. My life basically ceases to exist for the next 6 months to get this program up and running. Yippie for me.

I need to go to vegas for a long weekend, who's in? Drinks, great food, orgies, it'll be great.

I did not get to the gym this weekend because of the sickness. Will be trying again later this week. If I can meet my goal (weight loss/redistributed) by June, I'll reward myself with tatoo. If I can carry it over through next year, I get a motorcyle. Gotta motivate yourself somehow.

Back to the grind tomorrow, here's hoping for a little better health.

Flu

Sucks

hahahahahahahahahahahahah

I'm stupid slap happy. No drinking tonight. We got to the site at 7:30am on 1/10, we left at 1:15am on 1/11, then went to waffle house cause we were all crazy hungry. I actually like this time of night, when everything is funny, but not when I'm working. At least we get to sleep in and not have to meet until 9. I get almost a full 6 hours by the time i'm done catching up on work e-mail. Happy fun time super silly crazy retarded dancing. oh, wait, I don't dance, so I'll just hurry up and get this shit done and try to sleep for a few.

Goddamnit I'm beat

Its 11:15. I'm just sitting down for the first "me" time of the day. I met the group in the lobby at 7am, we were in the assembly plant until 7:45pm, we got back, dropped off my computer, went to dinner (nothing could possibly have tasted better than that first beer), and then back to the hotel room at 9 to work on e-mail and updates unil now. I'm a little beat. Gotta do it again tomorrow. My trip is now extended a day because things are not going as well as they needed to be. Its what expected, but I'm still a little unhappy about it. It would be nice if it would have gone according to the original plan, just for once.

Happy whatever day today is. Traveling really screws with my sense of time and dates.

Here I go again

I'm off to return to the field. 3 or 4 days in wonderful Virginia with no one to miss me. Ok, thats my sulking for the moment.

I am leaving at the ass crack of dawn, I do not know if I am getting back late Wednesday or late Thursday. I am relatively confident that I will not be entirely successful. I have been set up to fail by poor corporate planning. I had lost my motivation to forcefully look for a new job, but its comming back very quickly, and will be my number one goal if next week goes anywhere near as bad as it may.

I still need to get laid, it is getting to have been a while, but I just can't bring myself to do a true random/one-nighter. I'm such a woman...

I can't decide if I'm digging this mild winter or missing the snow.

I'm mentally broke tonight, so I'm out. Enjoy the week.

I like long hours

I got to work at 8:05 AM this morning. I left at 9:35 PM this evening. How much do I suck. I've totally grasped the fact that I've thrown myself into work in an effort to mask my other problems, and I've now gotten into a habit of doing this to myself. Bad habits are hard to break.

I've also realized that one of my biggest issues is the fear of moving on in a relationship. I'm not sure how to get over that one either. There have been some people that I've dated that I've liked but couldn't or wouldn't let myself be free and felt I needed to protect myself. I'm still that way, but I'm trying to see some of the good from the last year.

+I've gotten a lot of recognition at work
+I've gotten a house
+I've gotten a new truck
+I've gotten tripled my number
+I've made some new friends
+I've realized that blogging can be fun, especially when no one knows you
+I've started and stopping smoking
+I've started to remember how to have fun again
+I've tried to realize that life goes on

So, here it is, day 3 of the new year. Lets see how long I can keep up the good attitude. My guess is it will end sometime next week while I'm in Virginia again for work, but stranger things could happen.

Happy day 3...

Shot in the ass and back to work

I did forget the fact that I got shot in the ass with BB gun during my Friday night drinking last week. Now, I'm not gonna say that I didn't deserve it (I shot her first), or that it hurt (I was feeling no pain), but whe you look at your ass and have a BB sized red mark, it makes you think. I think it was funny as hell, and laughed almost as hard the following day when i saw the mark as I did when I was first shot.

I need three or four more days off, I hate the first day back after a long break, and I need to get laid...

Happy 2nd day of 2007.

New Year

Here's hoping everyone that has found me here is recovering from a wonderful Christmas and New Year's celebration. The last week has been good. I have gotten a lot done around the house. It is starting to really look like a home rather than a single college guy's apartment. I'm really not sure if that is good or bad. I hate the thought of being "grown up".

I spent New Year's eve alone. All plans fell through, I got drunk on my own. Still had an interesting time I guess. Still wish I had a significant other to spend it (and a lot of other time) with.

Work starts again tomorrow. Loads of fun there I'm sure. I need to go back into my job search mood and see if anything worthwhile comes up.

I'm not sleeping again. I actually had a guest (friend of a friend of a friend) that crashed on my couch on Friday, and made fun of the way I breath when I sleep after I made fun of her for snoring. I'm starting to think I may have sleep apnea.

Its a new year, I'm trying to take a new approach. More outgoing, more fun, more happy hopefully. We'll see how long it lasts, as with most resolutions, its only a matter of time. At least I've got the smoking thing down for now (week and a half so far).

The gym starts when I get back from Virginia on the 15th. lbs to be lost or inches to be lost by summer. Wish me luck in keeping to that one also.

Well, back to some TV and another attempt at sleep. Everyone enjoy 2007.