And now its back to depression

quick recap:

#1 ex girlfriend. Was the love of my life, but life didn't go with that plan. She cheated, she avoids me, still has my engagement ring. As I get farther away from the initial hurt, I realize that I was not "me" while I was with her. It still kills me that we went this far south.

#2 old friend. First girlfriend ever, we had known each other for 13+ years. Awkwardness has settled in due to a New Year's eve hookup, and now she wants me out of her life. she has a new boyfriend, and a wish to be left alone. we ruined the friendship.

#3 new friend. We dated for a few months, she got attached, I couldn't handle it that she wanted something more. I just couldn't handle it yet, we are still friends. She still wants something more, so I don't know how long this will last.

#4 married. We hung out for a while during a rough patch with her husband. We really clicked, and were really happy when we were together or talking. We made a mistake and kissed. After reflecting on the situation, we are still close friends, she is more happy than ever with her husband, and I am still alone.

#5 New issue. another old friend that i've known for 13+ years. never hooked up, haven't been able to get ahold of her for over a year. she finally responded today and told me to leave her alone, that the way i'd acted while with #1 made her uncomfortabel and decide that I am a "bad energy" in her life. She is getting married.

Now what the fuck is a guy to do. Of the woman on this list, I loved 4 of them. 3 as friends, 2 as more. I know that doesn't add up to 4, but try to figure out which one is on both lists. Doesn't really matter though, I've found myself alone and hating pretty much everything that is going on in my life again. I put up a front and project optimism on others, but god damnit, why can't I have some of that happiness for myself again.