I'm trying

I did the ignore and have fun thing for a large part of the night. Its not my thing. I always throw myself fully into anything I'm doing. I hate myself for it. I'm lonely. I don't want to take my time if there is some connection. I'm sure at least one of you know that read me knows that and understand. Oh well. I just need to relax. Its all I can do. I need a vacation, but more realistically, I need a major change.