If I had a little more courage...

I'd probably kill myself. I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to her. I finally got her to talk to me, first time I've seen her in a few months, and it was a good/bad thing. I found out (or better confirmed) some things that I knew but wouldn't let myself believe, as well as getting her to open up a little about some other things, which is good but made me really concerned about her well being. Good and bad. I then got the bright idea to ask for some help in helping her. Totally bad move. She does not want help from those that I asked, and now she is pissed because I should know better, which I should have. I just want to start over with her. I'm willing to forgive and help. I'm very hurt but I truly love her, so I'm willing to understand and forgive. She will not forgive herself. I am so completely lost. Between this and work, my life is just at a point that I do not think it can get any worse.

This sucks

I've owned a house for almost a month, and I've barely spent any time at home. Work is killer, personal life sucks, no pets around, and no time spent with the only person I want to. I screwed up again, just as she was letting me back in. I have to do it right this time, it may be my last chance.