I'm in such a weird place right now

The last few weeks have been such a odd ride for me...

I've obviously been still stuck with what is going on with the girl. I've finally gotten to the point that I'm really embracing a really casual thing. A lot of this understanding and acceptance has come from 2 things that have happened recently.

The first, a mutual friend of one of my roommates and I's has made multiple comments that I was in love with the girl. This just isn't acceptable and basically slapped me in the face that I was putting way to much effort in and had really fallen for her far more than I should have, or that she wanted. She is a great girl, but young and doesn't know what she wants out of anything in her life. I just made a fool of myself reading the wrong "between the lines" stuff. She is in Florida until Friday, and we'll see if we can continue the friendship when she gets back without me being stupid still.

Part two of my revelation has to do with the same mutual friend. She decided that she needed to try to set me up and set up a mutual gathering with her, two friends, and my roommate. She then proceeded to not show up. I did good, and have realized that when I don't try and just have fun, I seem to be the guy that all the girls want to get closer too. I think it bothered my roommate a little, but he's cool about it. One of the two girls had met me on one of my bad nights and given the other a heads up that I'm a huge ass, but I squashed that pretty quickly. By the end of the night, the cute one that I was being "set up" with was trying to get the other girl to take my roommate home, but she was still worried about me being an ass and trying something. I did get a number, and she wanted to go bowling and bar with us tomorrow, so I've got a call to make and see if thats still the plan. At least this time I'm much more forced to make sure and keep my feelings in check, especially since I know for sure she is planning on leaving in a few months and its just for fun if anything.

Work sucks. I put in just under 80 hours last week, today is my first day off in 12 days, and I didn't get my raise in my last paycheck like I was suppose to. My current project is killing me. My support is drying up. My sleep is non existant. All in all, I have all the signs of someone that is gonna do well in the corporate world.

The last thing that I am going to comment on today is probalby the most important. KJ is leaving us. I'm feeling a big hole. She has supported me a lot more than fully known, and I've appreciated her friendship far more than she probalby realizes. I wish her and her family the best in everything they do. Great things will come in time, just keep smiling.

My mood is still very mixed, and I'm listening to Breaking Benjamin's Breath. I think it marks my general feeling towards life, and I'm ok with it for the time being.