70+ hours a week

I have put in almost 70 hours already this week, and will be going in sometime today. Its almost a good thing that I don't have a full relationship right now because I'm sure it would be falling apart. This was suppose to be the weekend away, the "obligation" that kept her from being able to fell through, and yet I still didn't get any real explination, or a rain check. At times I ask myself how much more I can take, and then I remember that everyone has always left her and she has never dealt with her problems, so I remind myself to be better than that. Not exactly sure how much longer it will work, but for the time being it is what it is.

Another Cancellation

I did the supportive thing and took her soup on Friday because she was sick. She was not happy to see me at first, we talked for a few minutes, she went to run errands and I went home. She called later to appologize and thank me. She said she wanted to try to do lunch or dinner on Sunday before she went out of town next week for work. On Saturday she said she was really sick, but this was in a call recieved arond 9:30 PM when she was driving 40 minutes to get out of the house to see "family". I use quotes becuase again, I'm not so sure how much I buy that. I'm going to have to get over my suspisions if I ever want a real chance, but I have every reason in the world to doubt her, and just as many to try to trust her. This sucks. Also, I'm assuming that lunch/dinner today is no longer in the plans since its not be discussed again. Oh well, whats one more week. I won't have time to dwell on it this week, one nice thing about being buried at work.

Cancelled

The weekend out has been cancelled. She says she has a work conference thing friday/saturday. I don't know if I buy it. Have to try to trust or i'm going to make myself crazy. Or I already have made myself crazy, not really sure which path I have taken. Oh well, whats another week, sooner or later the pain will go away one way or another.

Another day, another dollar

Work is a pain in the ass, especially when you can't concentrate because you are suppose to get an answer to something more important in your personal life. One day we'll all look back and laugh at how childish we sometimes act.

I have returned

Not that anyone cares. I had scheduled a get away in a few weeks and asked for verification. She got upset that I was a little concerned over no response for a week. I was going to take her out today, but she bailed on me. She ended up being sick, but she was being a bit of a bitch about things. I admit to being a little overbearing/boarderline pushy for some responses, but I didn't deserve that. She still says she loves me, sometimes I believe her, sometimes I don't. Oh well.

I still have no dog, and I am now behind at work. Christmas is cancelled due to deadlines, not that I really want to see my family anyway. I have some pent up angry towards them and the part they played in my current situation with her. One day I'll get over it, or I won't. Not overly concerned.

Wow I use this a lot

I've already posted more than I thought I would the rest of the year, but it seems to be clearing my head some even if it is just for my sanity.

This past weekend didn't happen, but I do have reservations and we had talked about going away for a few days, so hopefully that happens and goodness stems from it.

For the few people that read this (if there are any) I am traveling for work this week and likely will not be able to post updates. Also, the dog is not with me. I have taken him to my parents to be spoiled while I do the work thing. I will be traveling a lot over the next few weeks, so I may be without him for a while. I'm also getting ready to move, just over a month left. With any luck, she'll remember why she loved me and will be back in a more prominent role and helping to break in the new place. Again, if anyone has and house suggestions that I'm likely to forget, please feel free to help me out.

Stupid People and This weekend

I get to spend all day tomorrow dealing with the stupid people. Not only does this really upset me, I also lose a whole day of work, which will likely force me into weekened work. I had planned to attempt to go and see her this weekend, assuming that she was ready to at least spend a few hours with me. I'll find out all of the above tomorrow. If I do go see her, I will not be taking the beast, he misses her almost as much as I do, and it wouldn't be nice to tease him when he doesn't understand the situation, so I will spare him that (I know, dogs don't think that way, but he's an odd guy to begin with). Updates whenever something changes or pisses me off.

I've been drinking...

I stopped drinking a while back. I had a few episodes where, as imature as I was, I was unable to cut myself off, and endured a number of horrible evenings of puking my guts out and being more than an A$$hole to those around me (only in the way I spoke to them though). This caused me to stop drinking (almost completely), and to stop going out. This in turn, created some issues with me and her, due to my no longer being "fun". Now that I 'm a little older, and a lot wiser, I've decided that I still like the taste of beer. I am more than willing to go out and relax with her and just enjoy her company when she is ready. I'm debating going to visit and take her out to relax, since we were always good friends even when we had issues. Somewhat depends on how much I drink durning the week and if I decide to tell her I'm coming up. The last contact we had did state that she would tell me everything, and give me all the answers I deserve when she can. I am trying to respect it since she has sought out professional help this time.

Working with stupid people really pisses me off. Now understand, I'm not refering to those I directly work with in my plant, but the stupidity at our corporate offices sometimes amazes me. The group is so random, and ranges from truly understanding what is going on and doing their job, to doing absolutely nothing and placing blame on me and my team. One of these days I'm going to snap and tell them what I really think of them, but until that time, we have a mute button and just talk about them within our group. The sad thing is that when they come visit they talk about each other also. Its actually rather funny.

She's getting help

I'm standing by her, even though I know there are things that may cause me heartache down the road, because she is getting help. Its the first step, she swears she will let me back in when she finds/fixes herself. She is getting professional help, and has been advised to remove some items that she is not ready to deal with, and cannot answer yet, namely, us. I am onboard, and I want her to heal herself so that we may have a real chance to heal also if we go that direction. She still says she loves me but she needs to answer herself before she can answer me. I am trying to be her friend, I will love her no matter what....

On a different note, its now October, and I move in under 2 months. not sure if I'm more excited or scared. My first house. The mutt will love having a back yard to run in. I think he will be more excited than me at first, while I'm going through the shock of all the little things that I will forget are needed in a house versus an apartment. Any suggestions of things that I will probably forget are welcome.