Me and my headaches

I'm up to 150 posts now. Most of them have been bitching and whining. I'm very tired of being alone, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. It will be a long road, but what else do I have to do. I've already either screwed up or caused someone I liked to lose interest. I'm on the verge of being without a job once again (I'll know in about a week for sure). If I can get through this next 24 hours or so, I'm pushing for a little bit of a change.

To the girl, I'm gonna at least find out if she is flighty or just not interested anymore so I can at least go back to having fun hanging out with her and not wondering. I know that I get caught up quickly the few times I have a connection with someone, and I hope she will understand it too and not think poorly of me. The fact that I'm trying to not screw this up and attempting to keep from getting too much into that (with her at least, though I know I obsess slightly on here) is one of the reasons I have such stupid things happen to me. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm scared that I will not have the response that I hope for.

To the job, I'm gonna put in for the one real lead I have and put in my self up for it. I'm tired of dealing with the petty bullshit, but I'm scared to move on to something else. They always say its greener on the other side, but that doesn't mean its always the way to go.

To the family, I'm gonna start to think about making an effort to stop avoiding them. I'm tired of their bullshit, but they are still family.

To the friends....Fuck it, I don't have close friends to worry about anymore.

To religion...I'm not ready to find any god or higher calling.

To everyone and everything else, its time to just let go. Lets see how it goes.

I'm sure I'll have a few more break downs, changing an attitude is not easy and I don't expect it to shift completely soon, but it really is time to try and find my little place in the world and try to get a little more happy.