Sunday, September 10, 2006

I am really starting to get tired of this shit

Its 2:30 in the morning, and I'm wide fucking awake again. Sleeping pills, relaxation tapes, meditation, I've tried a lot of things, but nothing seems to get me to the point where I can just turn my mind off and get some truly restful sleep anymore. The last time I remember getting a good nights sleep was when a very close friend of mine crashed here and we curled up went straight off the dream land like that. Nothing happend, nothing needed to. It was the feeling have having someone that cared next to me. I really miss that. I don't entirely attribute my restlessness to that missing aspect of my life, but I'm sure it has something to do with it. I don't need sex. I don't need drugs. I don't need alcohol. I need to feel wanted/needed, and feel that connection. I need to feel love, be it from a lover or friend. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to be hurt. I see what people around me have, and wonder why I don't have that anymore. I am still very hurt from what happened between the ex and I, and disappointed in what life has offered me since then and some of the decisions I have made with those offerings. Even with this being the case, I refuse to just settle. I have felt the spark, that something that means everything twice in my life. I just want to feel it again, and have the courage to act upon it and start living again. I guess in the mean time I'll just get ready to kick off the football season properly tomorrow, and hope that I'm ready to go back to work on Monday.

4 Comments:

At 12:55 PM, Blogger erika said...

I think we all want to feel needed and wanted. Some of us have to work a little hardered for that but when we do get it I would hope we dont take it for granted.

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger KJ said...

She's out there and she wants the same things you do.........you just have to believe that you will find each other

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger Blessed said...

what can I say other than it sucks!
I can say have patience...
I can say all good things come to
those who wait.....
but regardless-you are feeling
this NOW and it sucks!
Thinking of you and wishing you LOVE that you are craving, wanting, needing and of course,
many blessings!

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger The Volpinator said...

We all want to feel needed and wanted and we will all find that person. Stay strong and believe in yourself. It's what I keep telling myself everyday.

 

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