After a really odd weekend...

...I'm actually ready to go back to work. I've realized that I force myself to work a lot more than needed becuase it prevents me from having to go back to living my real life. I've somehow managed to cut pretty much everyone that I cared for or cared for me out of my life now, but I'm actually somewhat ok with that. Its easier to not get hurt if you just don't let people in.

I'm suppose to go see the married friend tomorrow. Not sure if I'll go or not. I ended up being the cause of some drama and she has been going through a lot. I'm not sure I can offer the support and friendship I used to (see above) so I'm not sure I want to risk hurting her.

The "date" still hasn't happened. Starting to think it won't. Leaving it on her plate with minimal followup. It does make me a little mad, but I don't really have any feelings left other than anger/hate/selfpity, and those I hide deep away so I can still function.

I hate the fact that having someone to care about still means so much to me and I am so shut off from it. Something has to change...