Something just isn't right

So far this year I have been forcing myself to be in a better mood, more outgoing, happy, meeting people, etc. Its something that I've been needing to do. I spent a long time in a deep depression, and didn't much like it. The feeling of not being able to do a damn thing right, no one being there for you, hating everything and every day. I almost killed myself, both suicide and by not taking care of myself. I threw myself into work. I avoided people. I, for lack of a better work, sucked.

I am feeling that way again. If I'm not at work I count the minutes until I can go to bed and be finished with the day. I'm losing touch with friends, but by my fault and thiers. I'm paranoid. I don't sleep. Once again, I'm not the person I want to be. I have been tring very hard to not let this come up again.

I may take some time off without notice. I may be back sooner rather than later. Either way, I will be reading and e-mailing, I will be trying to keep busy with work and tring to turn this around again. With any luck it will be a quick spin, and if I must deal with this periodically, so be it.

To all, be healthy and happy. I'm failing...