I broke down again

I was nearly put in the hospital just before Christmas for physical and mental exhaustion. It was the day that I got my "help" realizing what needed to happen between myself and the original girl. Just kinda pushed me over the edge. I am still not sleeping, and still moderatly to deeply depressed. I have realized that I buried myself in work (and still do) in order to mask the pain, or at least take my mind off it.

The friend from New Years is not talking to me either. I really screwed that one up, no pun inteneded. The thing that really sucks is that I really do like her, and could very easily see myself with her for a long time, but I'm in no place to get in a relationship, and we both know that. She will not even talk to me due to the awkwardness that comes with our new years kiss and my revalation that I had some interest in more than just friends. I actually pissed her off with my lack of giving her space (seems to be a theme with women and me) when I asked to visit over the 3 day weekend I have.

I have since broken down and tried to at least say hi to the original. She responded and is "out with friends" but will talk later/tomorrow. I told her not to make promises, she responded with a remark that could be taken to be pissy or just laughing at me (damn text messages with no emotion). I know I should not dwell on us, but its so damn hard to let go, especially since she has made a few comments/life changes that very direction point towards a good posibility of revisiting us. I should really just go play in traffic and quit beating myself up. Women suck, nothing but mind games....